Wordless Wendsday: My Backyard at its Finest

(I know I'm breaking the whole "wordless thing here but I'm hoping putting it in parenthesis will not count as words but in the last picture notice the squirrel on the tree its expression is priceless)

Heyyyyyyyy Wattttt izzzzz uppppp????

I, in my (failing) quest to be modern, use AIM to talk to my friends. I am not nearly adept in chat etiquette. I thought I knew enough at "lol", "btw", and "ttyl" but upon "chating" with people I have found that everything has changed, again.

The first sign was when I was greeted with a "heyyyy" instead of "hey". Why the extra "y"s? Apparently subtracting vowels is also popular. "whts hpping?". OMG is now oh-em-gee. For some reason "cool" has been replaced by "kewl"; does it not take more effort to change letters then to repeat them? I'm told the reason for the new language is to be faster, but I think it is just to have an excuse to make up a new language

I understand the concept of "lol"- its what you say when something is funny, but now it is just what you say when you don't know how to respond. Lol may be the hardest thing to respond to, but apparently I'm supposed to respond with another lol or haha. I've seen conversations of just hahas and lols; I'm wondering what is so funny! What is the point of chatting when no information is communicated?

Imagine what a verbal IM conversation would sound like:

PERSON ONE: Heyyyy (pronounced haaaaayyy)

PERSON TWO: Heyyyyy

PERSON ONE: Watz up?????? (pronounced like spelled- all question marks are said aloud)

PERSON TWO: nm u? (pronounce nim u)

PERSON ONE: nm

PERSON TWO laughs

PERSON ONE laughs

and on and on...

another thing iv notticed iz dat ppl are giving their similes multiple smiles. is dis a statement about multiple chined ppl? :)))))))). y r our smileys obeast????

ppl also think is is just FINE to florget caps and punctuation unless they add empasis!!! i dont get it

Still don't get it...

P.S. For some reason my post did not get published with the correct spaceing sorry.

What I'm NOT Buying This Weekend

I was accompanying my mother on her shopping trip. This was no ordinary shopping trip; we purposely fell in love with objects that we would/could never buy. The place was Studio 77, the most painful, yet somehow insanely gratifying, place to not shop. I followed along on my mother's heels, like a loyal puppy, digital camera at hand; just her daughter with the less popular blog.

I first looked at some pendants, they were like stamps someone would find on some one's Hogwarts invitation. They each had a letter, the stamped silver was even asymmetrical, as if they were stamped without unrealistic perfection. Now, it is commonly known about me that I think I was born in the wrong time. I wish I got to wear those billowing hoop skirts, now only found in films and historical reenactments. I could imagined it dangling from my neck like I was about to be mailed off to the 1600s, I took a picture, and in my mind, I'm wearing it, in spite the fact that my name does not start with a "K".

My second item to not buy were these lovely glasses. I, much to my disappointment, am no longer visually impaired. I would absolutely love to wear glasses, but while I had the chance, I was too eager to move on to contacts, and for some reason my vision improved. I can imagine myself reading, in a used bookstore, with coffee wearing these glasses, others would glance over at me, noting my sophisticated, pretentious, ways.

But wait, if I am pretentiously sitting in a used book store, don't I need a pen to mark my book with to make me look/be even more sophisticated looking? One mother's day we bought mom one of these beautiful pens to match her new office (the good ol' days where people had money) I have been caughtt staring at it; somehow believing that if I wrote with it I would instantly become a better writer. These are not just mere tubes with ink, they are sculptors filled with ink promising passing genius ideas onto paper.

Now, because this was not just an ordinary shopping spree, I went kinda overboard on the accessories:

Meaningless Deatiles: I actually have no idea how much I saved my estimate is around $800 though.

Just Not My Day

I was walking Lily, trying to get her to poop in our yard instead of the neighbors before going around the block, when I tripped. I was just walking down the street and I tripped, without a witness, I just fell. One of those "Glad no one saw that" moments. Of course, everyone only has so many of these moments, and all of mine are spent on other random spastic moments of uncoordination, so while I was laying on the border of my and my neighbors yard, a truck, redneck included, drove by, of course, because of some reason beyond me, Lily had to poop, right there, right on the obviously distinguishable property line just enough on the neighbor's side to be considered their yard. Of course I forgot a pickup bag. Today wasn't exactly my day.

Imagine what it would look like to redneck. I was just driving by on my way to (insert redneck-like destination here) when I saw this girl about your (he says gesturing to Mary Loo aged about 12) age sniffn' the grass. She was laying out like roadkill on somebody's lawn. I can imagine the story at many family gatherings to come...*shutter*

Redneck stopped and asked if I was ok, making a theatrical effort to muffle his laugh. I managed to stutter out a "yeah, I'm fine". Of course Lily was still making quite a show still pooping, right in the neighbor's yard

I thought only characters in books and movies randomly fell without any reason. I've never seen a person just fall. Due to my knees which are apparently plotting against me, I could not get up. To any witness that may show up in the next few seconds of immobility it would seem like I was deliberately on the freshly dewed and damped grass face down. Of course, my knees waited untill several unconcered minivanners drove by to finaly relive me of my embaresment.

Today's just not my day.

BBQ Anyone?

Whenever I see some form of logo for pork, ham, bacon, ect. it usually includes a pig. Creepy logo makers even venture to sometimes have the pig appear in a apron to make sure that his belly does not get the pork he's frying on it. Yes, this is perfectly normal and accepted. You see this all the time, grocery stores, billboards on the interstate where they only cost about 25 cents, even on invitations to neighborhood BBQs.

In most of these illustrations the pig is smiling. Is he happy about the death of his fellow pig? Did he kill him himself? Is he happy that he is about to eat his friend? His expression, at first glance, does not seem very menacing, but sometimes the eyebrows are just arched enough to give our little porker an evil glare.

When I was younger I imagined people making him smile, threatening to have him fried by his friend too (at this age for some reason I thought that cartoons were just like actors).

This pig was cooking his friend and, somehow, making people want pork. First of all, who thought of the idea? More importantly, why did people adopt it? Is cannibalism humorous?

Does anyone even look closely at this type of thing? Maybe we've grown so accustomed to it no one cares.

Another similar logo is the famous cow wearing leather, or even more manly, bull wearing leather, but that post is for another day...

Cheese Please!

I haven't had cheese pizza after waiting in a line full of my own age group since I turned old enough to say "no, you can go right ahead". I hopefully wait in the back of the line with other vegetarians and some Jewish people on kosher diets. We chat, conspiring against the mass of cheese pizza hogging 7th graders, but, because we are the type of people who end up in the back of the line, no action ever comes of it. Our stomachs growl in unison, trying to provoke us into cutting. We all stand in a horizontal line in the back, no one in front or behind the other; an assembled mass of vegetarianism and mutted cries for cheese.

When we finally come to the front we hopefully peer into the buffet and then, finding no cheese, we move quitely along. We weren't even in line. Don't mind us.

Somehow we collect enough courage to confront the lunch lady who's expression was screaming "Don't make my job difficult!"

Us: "is there any cheese left?"

Lunch Lady: No.

Us: Will you be making anymore today?

Lunch Lady: No

Us: is there anything vegetarian?

Lunch Lady: You can pick off the sausage.

We all leave. We know that it leaves a taste and defeats the purpose. So we graze on the chips they sell.

I don't understand why the cafeteria even makes any sausage; everyone hates it. The pizza line concept makes no sense. The type of people who are vegetarians are usually the type that will let a hungry meat-eaters in front to take the coveted cheese pizza.

"No it's okay you can go right ahead"... ugh, curse my lack of assertiveness!

Anti-controversy-post-posting-note:

I have nothing against meat eaters, I apologize if I offended anyone. I'm a vegetarian for good reasons that I know thoroughly but I do not think meat-eaters are any worse than vegetarians. My vegetarianism was a personal decision so please do not judge me for it.

A Laugh With A Job

Part of my morning get-the-heck-out-of-bed routine involves the daily hunt for the comics. It is sometimes interesting to see what random place they've put them today. Some mornings it's nestled in between the depressing international news and the less depressing but still depressing local news, others it's wedged in between sports and entertainment.

This morning they were finally found in the classified section.They weren't just next to the classifieds, they were in the middle.Who decided to put them there? They must have a wild sense of humor. What is this person saying? If you have enough time to read the comics in this economy you should stop being lazy and get off you're butt and find a job.

Thank goodness for child labor laws. I have an excuse to read the comics, the rest is depressing and I'm only a kid.

I wonder if the organizer for our ever-thinning local paper enjoys his job. Maybe he reads the comics every morning and wants to find them where he could find a new job that does not require getting up early just so Bob can have his sports pages in order when he gets up.

Maybe the organizer guy/girl has an unemployed spouse or roomie and wanted to organize a message just for them.

I'm still not liking this guy.

Comics are so pure and innocent; an escape from the bad news that is printed on every other page. Why would someone spoil them with reality?

Maybe the paper organizer meant well, to give unemployed job-seeking people a break- to relax and read the funnies for a bit, but that is forcing the loyal comics reader to fish through pages where job opportunities usually are.

Yet another morning, the glass of O.J. is half empty.